HAPPY NEW YEAR! (...three weeks later.)

So, here we are. 2007. Can you believe it?

I'm tellin' ya strutters....time certainly DOES fly.

Although it seems like just yesterday, it was TEN years ago that, I:

- "Officially" moved out of my parents house
- Boozed my way through my freshman year at UWO
- Snagged AND shagged my first "girlfriend"

and therefore.....

- Was (obviously) still trying to convince the world that I was 'straight' by making nice with the va-jay-jay

Times certainly have changed.

And speaking of CRAZY - it was also exactly ten years ago that I had my first experience with hallucinogenic drugs. *Please note - prior to moving out of my parents' house at the tender age of 18, Mumsy was still feeding me baby aspirin to cure my head-aches. I knew I was a 'Momma's Boy' - BUT - I also knew that I had fly away from the nest before I turned into one of "those guys".

Can you imagine? Moi....45 years old....SINGLE....living in Glen-hole.....sitting at the kitchen table with my mother, sharing a potato-chip encrusted meatloaf (potato chips are her special ingredient)....whilst flipping between The Weather Network and The Shopping Channel.

But, I digress.

It was New Year's Eve 1996 and some friends were throwing (what was supposed to be) a 'killer' party....which ended up being quite ironic considering it was myself and my dear friend Paula that the party guests wanted to kill. Let me paint you a picture....

Paula and I decided to throw caution to the wind and venture into a world of danger and excitement. We had heard that Magic Mushrooms were the coolest trip, like, ever! So, we ate an entire bag.

You're.Not.Ready.

Anxiously waiting for our magical treats to take us up, up and away.....I suddenly began to start laughing uncontrollably and lost all feeling of my fay....(not realizing that I WOULD be cemented to the sofa for the next four hours). I scanned the room for my partner in crime. I soon find Paula (dressed in a white, frilly silk blouse with a plunging neckline and clown cuffs - don't ask), sitting on the floor in front of the TV - with approximately 10 centimetres between her fay and the screen. If you were to guess, you'd probably assume that Paula had never seen a television set before - as her eyes bugged with excitement and fascination.

Then, something incredibly amusing must have sparked in Paula - for I distinctly remember THE highest pitch squeal escape from her mouth. I swear to Prada - I've never seen OR heard anything like it: her head flinging back and forth a la Linda Blair in THE EXORCIST....clown cuffs flapping in the air as she tossed hands up and down....eyes slightly moist from the tears of laughter.....and the squeal. THE SQUEAL.

It started a relatively low level....but then rapidly increased to a decibel so high, that it broke the ash-ridden Budweiser beer bottles on the table behind her.

In an attempt to settle her down, I crawled across the living room floor...but by the time I got to her, it was too late.....the laughter had consumed me as well. Upon reaching her, we immediately embraced, bellowing like two hyaenas in heat. Within minutes, we were log-rolling over each other on the beer-stained shag carpet.

Classy, non?

The remainder of the night is still a bit of a blur (to say the least)....but rumour has it that Paula and I performed a MEAN rendition of the cheerleaders skit from Saturday Night Live:


"Boo. I scared you. I think you pooped your pants."
(....whilst bent over and pumping our asses in the air - in unison).

Obnoxious? Yes.
Annoying? Absolutely.
Good Times? Betch your boob job!

Cut to - New Year's Eve 2006. The crew met at Lisa's new condo for some pre-midnight festivities, which included: wolfing down an M&M Oriental Party Pack, guzzling cheap champagne from plastic cups and, of course, a high kick competition to Dreamgirls' "ONE NIGHT ONLY".

Jealous?

We arrived at SAVOY, where some friends threw a party for 200 of our nearest and dearest. Considering the first drink was poured at 5:30 pm, everyone's pretty much wasted at this point- so wasted, in fact - that someONE (who shall remain nameless ;-) took a little tumble and landed in a pile of wooden stools at the bar.

Let's just say, "Thank gawd she was wearing underwear".


Retrieving her from the debris, one of my homos turned to her and said:

"Oh honey, your mascara's running."

An onlooker rebutted: "Honey, that's not mascara - that's blood." ....and then proceeded to bust a move on the dance floor.

Long story, short - it was Lady Lester to the rescue.....(he's always been a fan of playing Doctor ;-) And despite a slight headache the following day - everything was in working order.

Bottle of Chardonnay: $16
Bar Cover: $25
Dry Cleaning Bill (to get the blood out of Lady Lester's Sevens): $40
New Year's Eve 2006: Priceless

For the record however, our little drunken acrobat is now referred to as, Bloody Mary.

Other NYE highlights, you ask?

- Sammy wiping her ass on every, single person in the bar
- Katie passing out on the toilet
- O'Grady's nipples making yet, another appearance
- Yours truly scoring the number of cute water-polo player

and, of course (....because it wouldn't be a good night if it didn't happen...)

- Waking up - fully dressed - with schwarma juice all over my brand new blazer.


It's gonna be a great year, strutters!

So, here we go....the first installment of STRUTTIN' 2007.

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STRUTTIN' 101

What to Drink: Mango Mojito

Where to Drink it: FUZION (580 Church Street) .....The owner is Oprah's 'former' personal chef.

What to Eat: Ahi Tuna Tartar

Where to Eat it: TREVOR Kitchen and Bar (38 Wellington Street East)

What to Dessert: New York Style Cheesecake

Where to Dessert it: Studio Cafe - Four Season Hotel (21 Avenue Road)

What to DVD: The Covenant Two words: EYE CANDY....the boys are so HOT in this movie, it took me fours hours to get through it. That's all I'm sayin' - wink, wink.

What to Movie: The Hitcher .....So bad, it's GOOD! I'm officially OBSESSED with Sophia Bush.

What to TV: The Hills, Season 2 (Premieres on MTV Canada on February 5th at 10 p.m.)

What's on m(i)Pod: "I Love You, I Do" - Jennifer Hudson

FOR DA' LADIES.....

What to Skin: Sweet Cheeks Sinfully Smoothing Brown Sugar Scrub by CAKE Beauty

What to Coat: Cape Coat

What to Bag: Viva La Val Bag by MARC JACOBS

What to Shoe: Blanca Air Sandal - with Nike Air cushioning

What to Accessory: les robots Buttons

Calling all "Brides To Be" - Be sure to check out the BIRKS Bridal Party!



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MISTLETOE MIXER 2006


Thanks to everyone for coming out to our Mistletoe Mixer before the holidays....hosted by Sachi and 'Yours Truly'.
....and for the record, this WILL be an annual event!















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CHECK IT OUT....

*FLAVA OF THE WEEK: Davis, from The Real World - Denver

*LAUGHTER-NOON BREAK: Shoes!

*DRAG-TASTIC: Look at those ARMS! (....I don't think it's possible for him to get any cuter)

*...AND IF YOU LOVE JAKE G. AS MUCH AS ME - Check out the trailer for his new movie ZODIAC (from the Director of FIGHT CLUB and SE7EN).

*GRAB THE KLEENEX! This is why Josh Duhamel will always be at the top of my "TO DO" List!

*HOW COOL IS THIS?

*EAT 'THIS' ISIAH WASHINGTON - CNN's New $4-Million Man

*DOLCE & GABBANA - Like you've never seen them before!

*ARE YOU READY FOR THE NEW BACHELOR - presenting ANDY WILLIAMS

*THIS WEEK'S "TO-DO" LIST:

1) Josh Duhamel
2) Jake Gyllenhaal (Be sure to check out the current issue of GQ - on stands NOW!)
3) Paul Walker
4) Colin Farrell
5) The Men of the Dieux du Stade 2007 Calendar - click HERE!

* AND THE 2007 OSCAR NOMINATIONS ARE:

Best Picture:
Babel, The Departed, Letters from Iwo Jima, Little Miss Sunshine, The Queen

Best Actor:
Leonardo DiCaprio (Blood Diamond), Ryan Gosling (Half Nelson), Peter O'Toole (Venus), Will Smith (The Pursuit of Happyness), Forest Whitaker (The Last King of Scotland)

Best Actress:
Penélope Cruz (Volver), Judi Dench (Notes on a Scandal), Helen Mirren (The Queen), Meryl Streep (The Devil Wears Prada), Kate Winslet (Little Children)

Best Supporting Actor:
Alan Arkin (Little Miss Sunshine), Jackie Earle Haley (Little Children), Djimon Hounsou (Blood Diamond), Eddie Murphy (Dreamgirls), Mark Wahlberg (The Departed)

Best Supporting Actress:
Adriana Barraza (Babel), Cate Blanchett (Notes on a Scandal), Abigail Breslin (Little Miss Sunshine), Jennifer Hudson (Dreamgirls), Rinko Kikuchi (Babel)

Best Director:
Clint Eastwood (Letters from Iwo Jima), Stephen Frears (The Queen), Alejandro González Iñárritu (Babel), Paul Greenglass (United 93), Martin Scorsese, (The Departed)

....STAY TUNED FOR MY PREDICTIONS.

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BIRTHDAY SHOUT-OUTS......

2007 marks the year that many of my besties turn the BIG 3.0.
....and the three of the most important took place within the first week of January.

HUGE B-Day wishes to.....

The ONE. The ONLY. Happy 30th, Amy!





























To my POODLE. Happy 30th, Dave!
































...and last but not least, TO MY SISTA FROM ANOTHA MISTA!
Happy 30th, Sammy.
































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WUZ HAPPENIN'

* Special Screening of SHORTBUS and Q&A with Sook-Yin Lee
@ The Royal
Wednesday, January 24th and Thursday, Janaury 25th at 9pm

Come on in from out of the cold and see SHORTBUS and a short film.
Sook-Yin does it all! Filmmaker, actor, musician, former MuchMusic
VJ, Terry Fox advocate, and host of CBC Radio's Definitely Not the
Opera - SHORTBUS star Sook-Yin Lee will be with us to introduce and
answer questions about one of the most talked about films in recent
memory, John Cameron Mitchell's ode to the joy and sweet release of
sex--SHORTBUS.

Join us as we start the night off with a special screening of the acclaimed
short film that Sook-Yin wrote and directed, GIRL CLEANS SINK.

http://www.myspace.com/theroyaltheatre

* BIG PRIMPIN'
February 3rd - Stones Place - 1255 Queen Street West
After 10 pm

* GRAPEFRUIT
With DJs Shane Percy & Aural
February 9th - Fly Nightclub, 8 Gloucester Street
9:30 pm - 3:30 am
www.shanepercy.com

* SNAP! 07
March 4th - The National Ballet School, 400 Jarvis Street
6 pm - 11 pm
www.snap-toronto.com

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Well, that's it for another week.

Keep struttin'!
And always remember, '...no matter how hard you try....you'll never be as good as me!"

Smith