"No photos please. This strut's copyrighted!"

photo by: ms. madge







MOVIN' ON UP....THE OLE FAERY TREE

OK, so last night I scored some tickets to the new Toronto production of LORD OF THE RINGS. Although the whole "epic-adventure-trilogy" thing really isn't my bag, the films weren't bad. The stage production on the other hand - an entirely different story. First of all, the show was about three hours too long (it was about 3 1/2 hours in total - with not one - but TWO intermissions). Don't get me wrong, I'm the show had its moments: visually, it was stunning; the set was extravagent and the costumes were fierce.

But all in all, it was just too damn long.

These hobbits just kept running around and around and around on this revolving stage floor - trying to trick the audience into believing that they were actually on a strenuous trek up some f*cking mountain.

Whatever. Where's the liquor? Where's the man-on-man action?

I mean, how stupid are these hairy, little beasts. Get your ass to the pawn shop and hawk the f*cking ring.

In between nods, a caught a couple of noteworthy scenes - one of which I was forced to watch due to the high winds projected into the audience - followed by a sea of fake smoke that smelt like stale feet - I thought I was either going to choke to death or go blind. The smoke brought back distance memories of my junior high school dance days. 'Member those MuchMusic Video Dance Parties when C +C Music Factory's "Gonna Make You Sweat" came over the speakers and the "smoke" was pumped through the gymnasium.

Good times, indeed.

In fact, I remember winning a pair of green Converse high-tops at one of those dances. Little to my knowledge, I was actually 'blindly' competing in a "Macarena" dance-off....and I OWNED that dance back in the day.

One of the happiest moments of my life.

....mind you, there were about three kids in the gym - but I was to consumed with my moves. All the cool kids were drinking vodka out of hairspray bottles in the girls' restroom - TESSA - and getting felt up in the back of their parent's Ford Astro mini-van in the parking lot....but, I didn't care - my fat ole self was WORKING-IT-OUT in the gym with Erica Ehm. "Heeeey, MACARENA!"

Anyway, back to the play. My fave scene of the night was when the hobbits (and their entourage) scurried their way up the Faery Tree and met the Queen Faery herself (so elegantly played in the films by the fab-u-lous Cate Blanchett - LOVE HER!) Upon the arrival atop the Faery tree, the Queen Faery broke out in song....and let me tell you, this bitch had pipes! Oooooh child - she had my head a'swayin.....toe da'tappin. It made me wanna live in the Faery tree.....NO COMMENTS from the cheap seats!

So, that's my '2 cents' on the stage version of LOTR. When I think about it, (if I was FORCED to do one or the other) I'm not sure if I'd rather sit through 10 hours of watching the films on my couch or commit 3 1/2 hours to the theatre.

It's a toss up.

In all honesty, I think I'd rather have my eyelids sewn to the carpet but I will tell you one thing - if you haven't seen the films - you won't have a CLUE as to what's happening on-stage....and in that case, steer clear of both. It's too big of a commitment - but then again - I can't even commit to dinner reservations. So, maybe I'll just shut the f*ck up and let you do what you want.

On a totally separate note, a HUGE "thanks" for all of your support, suggestions and especially to all of those who've signed up to be a part of my mailing list. I'm having so much fun doing this - I'm glad that everyone's enjoying it....and if you would like to see something on my blog that's not there, send me a line (pauledwardsmith@gmail.com).

You may be wondering why this week's 'STRUTTIN' is coming at'cha a day early this week? Well, I'm incredibly sorry to report that I HAVE to catch a flight to South Beach - first thing in the morning. Ahhhhh......poor me. Jealous?

Watch yourself, Miami - Hot weather. Hot fashion. HOT men.

So, be sure to tune in next week for a JUICY edition of 'Stuttin' with Smith...in Miami'.
Hell, if you're lucky - I might even post a hot pic of yours truly, 'struttin' down the beach in his new Prada man-kini.

In the meantime, here's this week's edition of 'Struttin'. Enjoy!

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STRUTTIN' 101

WHAT TO EAT: Charred Beef Tartine @ Holt's Cafe
(Holt Renfrew, 50 Bloor Street West, Toronto)

WHAT TO DRINK: Don't like it dark? Try the White Hot Chocolate @ WISH
(3 Charles Street East, Toronto)...TO-DIE-FOR!

WHAT TO MOVIE: All of those Oscar contenders that you haven't been able to see yet!

Smith's recommendations: CAPOTE, TRANSAMERICA, WALK THE LINE

Go this weekend ~ You're going to need the know the goods for my upcoming Struttin' With Oscar column - Special Edition

WHAT TO DVD: Home for the Holidays

I watched this movie last weekend during my weekly Sunday couch-olympics routine.
I forgot how FANTASTIC it is!
Stellar performances by: Holly Hunter, Anne Bancroft, Robert Downey Jr....and of course, the chick who plays "Aunt Glady".

WHAT TO TV: The Bachelor - Season Finale
Monday, February 27th - CityTV or ABC - 9 pm

Who will Dr. Travis choose?
Moana (the she-male who may be hiding a penis under her skirt)
or
Sarah (the buggy-eyed BORE from Nashville)

Psst? I hear it's Sarah that he chooses - the two 'love birds' were caught (after the show had wrapped) working out together at a YMCA in Nashville. But who knows, could be a PR stunt. In any case, I hope he rips off his shirt for me one last time before he fades to dust, such as the inevitable fate of The Bachelors past.

Speaking of Bachelors past, apparently Jesse Palmer (BAchelor #7, I think?) was overheard at Lobby (193 Bloor Street West, Toronto) a few weeks back - going on and on about all the great 'snatch' (for lack of a better word - I have no idea what the kids are calling it these days) that was in the bar. Pig.

WHAT'S ON m(i)POD: A Stronger Man - Ben Watt feat. Sananda Maitreya


FOR the BOYS:

WHAT TO SHOE: New Balance Retro Sneakers

WHAT TO WEAR: Le Tigre Polo

WHAT TO (UNDER)wear: American Apparel (in fuschia ;-)

WHAT TO BELT: Paul Smith (available at Holt Renfrew)

WHAT TO FACE: L'Oreal Men's Expert Power Clean


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DIRTY "DISH-ES"

• Rumour has it that one of our favourite Canadian actors has decided to purchase a one-way ticket to Brokeback Mountain after his recent divorce..."Oh, be-have". Stay tuned.
• I always pictured Denise Richards to be real bi-otch. I mean, I would be too, if I had to deal with those eyebrows. But, in light of all of the turmoil that she's endured over the messy divorce with her pig-of-an-ex-husband, Charlie Sheen....I kind of felt sorry for her....so, I cut her some slack. Looks like she's cutting herself some slack as well....she's now linked with the looking-even-better-than-he-did-ten-years-ago, John Stamos
• Some fool just paid $101,000.00 U.S. for the shirts worn by the the boys of Brokeback (apparently he's in need of some serious lovin' if he's willing to paying that much to get his freak on with a used clothing - then again, it was worn by Jakey-poo....hmmm, maybe not so crazy.)
• Hilary Swank (horse-face) and her D-list husband - Chad Lowe- were seen holding hands in Malibu...maybe they ARE trying to work it out
• Lindsay Lohan is reportedly dating Olympic gold medalist Shaun White....Lohan and White were openly affectionate at a New York club, Bungalow 8, earlier this week and White is already bragging about his conquest....in the past two months, Lohan has been linked with Jared Leto, Ryan Adams, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Benecio Del Toro. So, she's a slut - big deal - at least she's boinking the right Hollywood players (well, maybe not BDT - yikes)
• Mischa Barton and Jake Gyllenhaal apparently swapped digits at the BAFTA's last Sunday (that bitch better watch her step....I called that shit years ago)

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CHECK IT OUT

'FLAVA' OF THE WEEK: Ace Young - All I can say is, 'holy shit!'

THE hottest thing to hit the American Idol stage. I taped the performance last night and the tape's already worn out. Let's just stay - he can practice his 'ace' with me any day!
Check out his (pre-Idol) amateur modeling shots....(Cheezy, yes - but I'd still hit it)

Is your style defined by where you live or where you pick up your morning latte?
I've heard the reference "West End Style" but was always a little confused as to what "West End" actually was in terms of one's style. I assumed that it was associated with vintage tees, blazers, VANS and shaggy haircuts - but never had a clear definition - until I saw this clip.
Check it out. And tell me, are you a West End Man?

CHALLENGE OF THE WEEK: McDreamy or McSteamy?

For all Grey's Anatomy fans, I'm officially putting it out there and telling you that McSteamy just out-ranked McDreamy....but, you know how I love those rugged, bad boys....

Who'd YOU rather play doctor with?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY shout out to SMATS - I hope your day is fab-u-lous! Thinking of you always....

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WUZ HAPPENIN'

SNAP!
A Photographic Fundraiser for the AIDS Committee of Toronto
Sunday March 12th - National Ballet School - 400 Jarvis Street - Toronto
SnowBall 06 - Chalet Shenanigans

Gala Fundraiser for Casey House
Feb 25, 2006 - 6.00 pm - York Event Theatre - 101 Eglinton Ave. East -Toronto
COST - $ 200
For more information please visit www.caseyhouse.com

Coldplay
Mar 22, 2006 - 8.00 pm - Air Canada Centre - Toronto
$ 49.50 - $ 89.50
For tickets call Ticketmaster: 416-870-8000

Until next week bitches....
....always remember.....
"No matter how hard you try - you'll never be as good as me"
Smith

PS - Thought I would leave you with some pics of my fave "F-ugly". Fergie the F-ugly.
Courtesy of my fave gals at www.gofugyourself.com