I Don't Care If It's Only A "7"
...He Still Gave Me a Double-Oh!

OK - I'll admit - I'm a bit slow on the whole BOND uprising. In all honesty, I've never been interested....probably because the films showcased exotic female characters with such names as: Dr. Holly Warmflash, Octapussy, Honey Ryder, Dr. Molly Goodhead....and, of course - PUSSY GALORE. Sensing a theme? I am....I do NOT want any part of it!

So, as you can guess....when my friends wanted to go see "CASINO ROYALE" this past week - I was obviously reluctant. I mean, I can handle the explosions, the car chases, the 'over-the-top' Hollywood stunts...but when it comes to having some blonde bimbo bouncing across the screen in nothing more than a bikini (consisting of three poker chips and a string of dental floss)....hmmm, no thanks. I mean, why would I pay $11.95 to catch a glimps of va-jay-jay on screen...when I can see Paris and Britney's for nothing on my PC, any hour of the day.

<------ Oops, she did it again. Incredible savings, folks! "2-for-the-price of.....well....NONE". Those two are a pair of classy bitches, INDEED. I'm telling you, strutters....Brit Brit's comeback is going to be lethal. Come to think of it, I'm surprised she hasn't already killed someone with that "thing" ....très dangereux! And in case you HAVEN'T seen Brit Brit's privits...click here.

But I digress. Back the matter at hand. BOND. James Bond.

Obviously, I ended up going to see the film....partly to save myself from another night of Roseanne re-runs on CMT...but mostly because I've had a minor crush on Daniel Craig after seeing him at the premiere of LAYER CAKE last year at the Tribeca Film Festival. Let me tell you, strutters....Mr. Craig is NO LONGER in the minors. In fact, he's shot to the TOP of my "TO DO" List. As I mentioned in the last posting, most of my friend's have a TOP 5 list. This is a list of the top 5 guys/girls that they'd MOST like to have sex with - although, in reality - they'd have a better chance of winning the lottery. There are variations to the naming of the list....I believe that it started on "FRIENDS".....Lainey from http://www.laineygossip.com/ has it ear-marked on her homepage as the Freebie 5....I, call it my "TO DO" List.

Shall I share? Here you go....

Smith's "TO DO" List (...click on each name to find out WHY!)

1) Daniel Craig (...uh, see above)
2) Colin Farrell
3) Josh Duhamel
4) Frederic Michalak
5) Paul Walker

This list can change at the drop of hat....day-to-day...minute-to-minute. But I will tell you, BOND will be holding strong for at least another week! The wardrobe....the charm....the accent....the ASS!! Oh strutters, if you haven't seen it - SEE IT.....if you've already seen it - THEN SEE IT AGAIN. Not only is he hot, hot, HOT....the movie itself, is nothing short of fantastic. Action, Adventure and ASS. Oh, the ASS....I had to leave the theatre with my jacket tied around my waist, backwards....if ya know what I'm sayin? ...nudge, nudge - wink, wink.

OK, enough. I'm stopping there....but I ask you....

WHERE ARE THE HOT, STYLISH, CHARMING MEN OF TORONTO? Are they hiding? Are they all spoken for? Does such a breed exist? Enlighten me, strutters....please, ENLIGHTEN ME. Because, between you and I - I am one "bad date" away from going back to the "va-jay-jay".


Downsie and Moi, Chicago

That said, however - I recently visited my dear friend Downsie in the Windy City - and I must say, the mid-West is looking might "foine" these days. Now, I'm not entirely sure if these boys are dating material (see side-bar below)....but they are certainly easy on the eyes.

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Side-bar ~ Chiacgo Gay-bourhood, late Saturday evening:

"Yours truly" finds himself in a rather compromising position on the Charlie's dance floor; the dry ice was pumping, tunes were throbbing, tongues were flying....all of a sudden, I feel a tap, tap, tap on my shoulder. As I'm forced to come up for air, I turn: "Can I help you?"

Stranger: "Yes, you can tell me why you're making out with my boyfriend?"

Moi: "Oh, if you'll excuse me....I have to go to the ladies."

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Like I said, OBVIOUSLY not dating material - but cute, fun and slutty nonetheless. And for the record, I DID NOT know the kissing bandit had a BF! (....but I probably would have made out with him anyway....KIDDING....not really).

Anyway, I've posted some pics of Chicago below....thanks again to Brent and Downsie for their hospitality!

Enjoy this week's column.....





My Yankee Doodle Dandees
(Jason, Moi and Erik @ Streeters, Chicago)











Chicago is known for it's 'big balls'.....
(Magnificient Mile, Santa Clause Parade, November 18th)

Paul, Tim and Tim
Sidetrack, Chicago
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STRUTTIN' 101....

What to Movie: Casino Royale

What to TV: "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" (Monday, December 11, 8 pm - CBC)

What to DVD: Anna Nicole Smith Show: Season One

What to Drink: Veuve Clicquot with a splash of Red Bull

What to Read: GQ's "Men of the Year" Issue

What's on m(i)Pod: Here I Am - Keenan, Tamara and David Morales


"Beef" and Downsie
Cocktail on Halstead, Chicago

For the ladies....

What to Jewellery: Wishbone Necklace

What to Accessory: Paul Smith Card Holder

What to Boot: Sara Boot by COACH

What to Hair: Bumble and Bumble - Creme de Coco Shampoo

What to Lotion: Jergen's Shea Butter Moisterizer



STRUTTIN' 101 - Chicago Style....

Where to Lunch: Cheesecake Factory

Where to Brunch: Bongo Room (Wicker Park)

Where to Salad: Dominick's Salad Bar

What and Where to Dessert: Red Velvet Cupcakes at Sweet Mandy B's

Where to Dinner: Charlie Trotter's

Where to Shop: "Magnificent Mile"

Where to Martini: minibar (for the gays)

What to Drink: Soho (on ice, with lime wedge)

Where to be Seen: The Peninsula Hotel

Where to Dance (Late Night): Charlie's (for the gays)

Magnificent Mile, Chicago

CHECK IT OUT.....
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HAPPY HOLIDAYS from "Yours Truly"

...CLICK HERE for a special "FESTIVE" treat...

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'Flava' of the Week - ROB LOWE - Does the man age?? Click here, here, here or HERE

Catch Mr. Lowe on Brothers and Sisters (Sundays @ 10 pm, CBS)

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The Return of Gwen??



Gwen Stefani was in Toronto this past week to do publicity for her new album, "The Sweet Escape". The bitch has definitely shed her post-pregnancy poundage....but that's all I really have to say. Hate the hair....hate the Harajuku Girls tee-heeing in the video.....HATE the yodeling. Girl, I love ya - but I ain't buyin'.

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Can you figure it out?

Below is an excerpt of wedding vows from a well known tv show.
Can you name the show and the speakers??

Person 1_______________:?
"When was it that we fell in love, when we were 18 or16, maybe 10? I don't know 'cause the truth is I can'tpicture a time that I wasn't in love with you. Ialways knew you were the one that could look into myeyes and see my soul. I don't question your commitmentto us and I know there's nothing we can't workthrough. And I except you as my partner and as my bestfriend above all others. It's a miracle to find thekind of peace and happiness that you've given me andin honor of that miracle, I pledge before our familyand friends to love and to cherish you forever."

Person 2________________:?
"I look at you and I see my best friend, your energyand your passion inspire me in ways I never thoughtpossible. Your inner beauty, so strong, that I knowlonger fear being myself. I know longer fear at all. Inever thought that I could find someone that I couldlove that would love me back unconditionally. Then Irealize that although we were often apart you werealways with me, and you were my soulmate. You give mepurpose when I feel I have none. Without you my soulwould be empty, my heart broken, my being incomplete.I thank god everyday that you were brought into mylife, and I thank you for loving me."

TV Show _______________?

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B-Day Shout Outs......

Jenny Wettlaufer, Danielle Fielder, Catherine Flannery, Shannon O'Grady, Tom Doulos, Ryan Proctor......




Happy Birthday, Tommy Boy.





...and last, but certainly not least, HUGE Happy B-Day to James!

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~YOU'RE INVITED!

All strutters, please feel free to drop by the "Mistletoe Mixer"

Saturday, December 16th at the Stealth Lounge
(above The Pilot - 22 Cumberland St. - Toronto)

Your hosts: Sachiko and MOI!

No Cover - Special Guest DJ - Cocktails - Dancing....it's what we're calling.....

A NOT-SO SILENT NIGHT!

Feel free to bring boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives, friends....
and all of your HOT, single friends....

Please RSVP to mistletoe_mixer06@hotmail.com

See you there!




















Well, that's it for another week.

Keep struttin'!

And always remember, '...no matter how hard you try....you'll never be as good as me!"
Smith